Happy To Be Me?

By K.D. Nguyen

t seems to me that sometimes, I don't have enough self-esteem. There isn't a day that goes by when I don't look at myself and think about what's wrong with me. Sure, there are good things about me. I am smart. I do good in school. I have a lot of good friends. I am very healthy and strong due to my regular exercise. I have a good personality and I don't think that I am ugly. But it seems that most of the time, these good things escape me. Instead, when I look into the mirror, I mostly focus on the negative aspects of myself. I wish that my eyes were a little bit different or that my jaw line was a little bit more square. There is nothing I can do about these things, unless I go for plastic surgery, which I wouldn't do. But I have to admit that there have been days when I have allowed these things to really get me down.

I come across as a very confident person and no one would ever surmise that I have low self-esteem. Don't get me wrong. I don't go around moping or be so down as to unable to get myself out of bed. I get my things done and I get praises for the things I do. But still, when I am out let's say at a party or at some type of social gathering, I can't help but stare at other people, especially at the things that I wish I had but did not. Sometimes I think I am obsessed.

So this reflection on self-esteem is as much for my sake as anyone out there who may happen to come across these simple words. It was the great philosopher Socrates who proclaimed the famous dictum: "Know thyself." By this, Socrates meant that real knowledge began with self-knowledge. Self-knowledge was also important to Jesus who reminded us to do to others as we would like done unto us. This commandment presupposes that we know what we want for ourselves before we can treat others. Jesus also told us to examine ourselves first before we take on the task of pointing out the errors in those around us.

Self-knowledge in many ways accompanies self-esteem. Jesus asked us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. This is very important. Unless we can accord ourselves some affection, we would not know how to go about loving our friends and neighbors. If we don't know how to see the goodness and beauty in us, it would be difficult for us to see the goodness and beauty in others.

Many of us depend on other's acknowledgement and affirmations of ourselves to build up our self-esteem. But this is in fact is only half of the picture. Self-esteem really comes from inside of us; it is an idea that comes from reflection within ourselves. Certainly other people can have tremendous influence on how we perceive ourselves, especially when we are young. A large part of my self-esteem came from the time when I was young. My parents and siblings helped me with my self-esteem by accepting me for who I was and for affirming my worth. Later on, I found acceptance and affirmations in my friends, teachers, and even strangers.

While external affirmations are important to our sense of self-esteem, a well-grounded self-esteem cannot depend on this alone. The other half of it comes from how we see ourselves and how we interpret what we see in the world. When we make a mistake, do we beat ourselves over the head and tell ourselves that we are no good, or do we admit that we are imperfect and that we can always try to be better next time? When we don't get invited to a party that another friend was invited to, do we automatically assume that nobody likes us?

We all have our insecurities. And even successful people can have low self-esteem. We cannot judge the self-esteem of others by the way they appear. As I have shared above, no one would believe that I need to improve my self-esteem. On the other hand, we can judge our own sense of self-esteem by what we know about ourselves. Self-esteem is not simply always telling ourselves that we are good, even when we do something that is bad. That would be arrogance, an attitude that can sometimes be mistaken for self-esteem.

Self-esteem means having a balanced and realistic concept of self. If we reflect on the Bible, we will see two dimensions represented in us, one of a saint, and one of a sinner. We are reminded constantly by Jesus that we are sons and daughters of God. We are worth being saved by him. We are worth the suffering that Jesus endured on our behalf. We are worth the pain that Jesus underwent as he was hung on the cross. At the same time, we realize that all the sufferings Jesus faced were also due to our shortcomings. We cannot affirm our worth without recognizing our errors. They are two sides of the same coin.

Thus self-knowledge means that we realize that we possess both aspects of human nature. We are good, but we are also capable of evil. We have strengths, but we also have weaknesses. From this realization, we are able strive to be good. But also with this realization, we know that our self-worth is not lessened because we do something bad or because we are imperfect in some way. In the end, we realize that we are still valuable before God.

All of us were born with a unique genetic makeup, unlike anyone else in this world of almost six billion people. Unfortunately, many of us spend a lot of our time wanting to be like someone else better. Have we ever thought that perhaps we were endowed with this particular genetic make up or with this particular ability and talent for a reason? There is only one Jennifer Lopez in this world, as there is only one Michael Jordan, as there is only one you, and only one me. Perhaps the world needs you to be you and the world needs me to be me. Let us learn to be happy to be ourselves!