DATE RAPE

by Tom Ehart and Monique (YOU Magazine) SHARLENE' S STORY "I was only 14. Like any freshman, I wanted to be accepted by the older kids. I liked going to parties and flirting with the juniors and seniors. There was one guy in particular I thought had to be the hottest guy I'd ever laid eyes on. I used to talk about him to my friends and look for him whenever I was at school or went to a party. His name was Zack. Word got to him that I had a crush on him. So he introduced himself to me, and I was floored. He asked me out on a double date: him and his best friend, and me and my best friend. That Friday night they picked us up. We went out to eat and were on our way back when he suggested we go to his house to party for a little. We got there and everything was kind of cool. We'd was talking for a little while when I noticed that his friend had disappeared with Kelly into another room, leaving me alone with Zack. When I turned around, Zack was smiling at me. He told me to take my clothes off. I thought he was joking, but then I realized he wasn't. I yelled for Kelly, but Zack just laughed and told me that Kelly was being taken care of in the other room. I knew Zack was serious when he came at me and physically forces me to the floor. All these thoughts were flying through my head. "What should I do? What CAN I do? How do I get out of this alive?" Zack was a lot bigger than me and there was no way I could fight him off. I tried to think of what I could do. There was no way the neighbors would hear me even if I did scream because the house was so huge. I kept saying, "I don't think we should do this! Please let me go!" He didn't pay attention, and just completely overpowered me. I was so confused I just became helpless. And so I was raped. I never felt so dirty in all my life. I finally got out of there, but not without a warning to not tell anybody. Besides, who would believe me? Zack would just tell every one that I wanted it. And they'd probably believe him..." DATE RAPE, ever since the sexual revolution of the 60s, our society's attitudes towards sex have become more and more twisted and perverse ... and permissive. Actions that were once unheard of have suddenly become the expected norm. But now we're starting to pay the price. Have our attitudes toward sex led us into the "Spur Posse" Generation? To most people, Lakewood, California's "Spur Posse" was just a group of typical high school guys. But in the memories of many girls they're nothing but a sick group of selfish, sexual abusers who use and abuse girls for competitive sport. Each time one of the Spurs has sex with a girl, they score a point. Sex to them is like basketball is to their heroes, the San Antonio Spurs (after whom they named themselves). And while eight guys were arrested on more than 17 felony counts of rape, unlawful intercourse, and related charges filed against them, much to the outrage of the abused girls and stunned community. Amazingly, when news broke of the guys bragging about their 50 or 60+ sexual conquests, many of their parents acted unconcerned. One told TIME, "What can you do? It's a testosterone thing." She concluded that, "Those girls are trash," and that they obviously have a low self-esteem problem in order to do something like this. Another Spur dad said. "Nothing my boy did was anything any red-blooded boy wouldn't do at his age. I'm 40. We used to talk about scoring in my high school. What's the difference?" Welcome to the attitude that leads to DATE RAPE. Our current social trends teach us to dress, act, and look like we only have one thing on our minds: sex. Forget about mutual self-respect: Being polite, and treating others as you'd want to be treated. The attitude today is "Get Mine!", and "If she says No, she means YES!" That's the message we get in our TV shows, movies, songs and magazines. Why? Because, of course, "sex sells." But lately we've started to realize we're being sold out. Some reports say that 16% of all girls have been date raped. Some say 25% have been. Some say that 130,000 date rapes occur each year... but that for every reported rape, 3 to 10 go unreported. One of the difficulties is, there's confusion over what constitutes date rape. Barbara Grizzuti Harrison seems to have a good answer in her Mademoiselle article entitled "No-Exit Sex." She says, "The bottom line is: When I say no, I mean no. I have a right-at-any-point-to say: This is not what I had in mind. I have a right to say: I've changed my mind. ...But of course we should behave ourselves, in our own self-interest. So should men." Society's view of rape has usually meant a helpless female being attacked in a dark alley by a crazed maniac with a weapon. Theirs are scars and bruises-in other words, physical proof. With date rape, the "rapist" is usually a friend, an acquaintance, or sometimes even a boyfriend, and the scenario is usually a familiar place, like one person's home. There is also consent for the events that take place before the actual incident, such as going to a park after the movies, drinking together, inviting the person in, kissing, etc. But the situation then gets serious, and the female claims she's saying no to sex, while the guy is not listening. Whatever the case, date-rape is a serious problem for everyone specially college students where sexual promiscuity has become the norm, not the exception. We need to be informed about it, and take the necessary steps to be prepared and avoid getting into situations that can lead to it. For girls that might mean taking self-defense lessons and deciding to only go to parties with groups of friends (and holding one another accountable for each other's where-abouts). For guys that could be speaking to teachers, clergy or health care workers about what's appropriate behavior with girls and what's not. Respect is the key ... and that means 100% of the time. The bottom line is this: no girl wants to be caught in a situation where she feels controlled, manipulated and sexually abused. And no guy wants to be branded a rapist. If date rape is ever going to end, we need to re-learn the value of respect for the opposite sex, and we need to re-discover the virtue of chastity. Chastity leads self-respect, and gains us respect from others. It's the one sure solution to date rape. That's because it's God's Plan for our sexuality--and God's way don't lead us to date rape, but to date respect.